McDonald's announced that it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn't it?

I was watching Discovery Channel the other day, and you know that they have come up with a new theory about how dinosaurs was wiped out? It was a midturn election.

I saw something stupid in the paper today - a new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those... it's called a window.

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican.

It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So what are they telling us? Follow me guys. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson's disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. You know, screw health care. Let's party!

Regulations force people to do better.