I’m the only authentic Vlad. Everyone else is merely an envious imitation.

We boarded the plane after boxing our stakes and knives and taking them to a FedEx carrier, airport security being so strict nowadays. In the section marked 'contents', Bones filled out 'Tofu'. God, but he had a sick sense of humor sometimes.

Don't fret, Grannie. We're going to a Bible retreat to scare the devil out of her

I heard the car door shut and then Fabian's voice. "You won't believe what I found around the edge of your property," the ghost announced. "A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!" I rolled my eyes. That was the best tactic Fabian could come up with? This was a vampire he was trying to stall, not a paleontologist.

He's clean," Ritchie announced. Chance wrinkled his nose with mild distaste. "Can't say the same about you. Really, man, soap is nothing to fear.

I think Mount Everest is gorgeous, too, but that doesn’t mean I have any intention of trying to climb it

How I hated the dark part of me that continually foretold of failure or futility.