We have to leave!" I said to Vlad. "Now." "Run, Forest, run!" Vlad mocked. "Stow it, Drac," I snapped

Any situation was better faced with an empty bladder, a clean body, and a lack of morning breath.

Wretched unfair, it is,” he remarked. “Of the three of us, I’m the one who’s always collected the rare and unusual, yet you two managed to snag the world’s most unusual women. First you, Crispin, with the only living half-breed, who then turned into an even more unusual vampire. And now you, Charles, have bagged a shape-shifter. Thought you were joking when you said Denise was the kitty. I’m simply green with jealousy

Then, when people saw you strolling around at high noon holding your rosary beads, they’d think, ‘Well, that can’t be a vampire.

The servants must wait like ninjas for me to leave so they could render this place spotless again.

You messed with the wrong white girl, motherfucker!” Tyler shouted.

You're my Red Reaper, and I've missed you terribly.