Look, Mother, I am never going to be thin. I'm Norwegian. If you wanted a thin daughter, you should not have married a man whose female ancestors carried cows home from the pasture

Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.

In the bad old days, men kept women from choosing to work. In the bad new days, women keep women from choosing to stay home.

This is a woman you've known less than twelve hours. It took you a year to pick out a couch, but you're seriously—" “Yes,” Roger said. “She's the one.

You got shot at and you still got me an air conditioner.

There wasn't enough gratitude in the world for a server who kept drinks coming at a time like this.

Christ, I'm in a Doris Day movie