Death straps me to the hospital bed, claws its way onto my chest and sits there.I didn't know it would hurt this much. I didn't know that everything good that's ever happened in my life would be emptied out by it.
Jenny DownhamHelp me, Mikey, she wanted to say. Iโm afraid. More afraid than youโd ever believe.โ And heโd take her hand and theyโd fly across the rooftops and up into space and sit on some planet and watch a double sunrise or maybe a star being born or some other event that no human had ever seen, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. And sheโd tell him everything.
Jenny DownhamMaybe you should say goodbye, Cal.' 'No.' 'It might be important.' 'It might make her die.
Jenny DownhamThere's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down. "What shall I do?" "Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move." I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!" They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them. Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?" "Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet.
Jenny DownhamHow late is it? How long have we been sitting here? I look at my watch โ three thirty and the day is almost ending. Itโs October. All those kids recently returned to classrooms with new bags and pencil cases will be looking forward to half term already. How quickly it goes. Halloween soon, then firework night. Christmas. Spring. Easter. Then thereโs my birthday in May. Iโll be seventeen. How long can I stave it off? I donโt know. All I know is that I have two choices โ stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back together and get on with living.
Jenny DownhamIt's really going to happen. I really won't ever go back to school. Not ever. I'll never be famous or leave anything worthwhile behind. I'll never go to college or have a job. I won't see my brother grow up. I won't travel, never earn money, never drive, never fall in love or leave home or get my own house. It's really, really true. A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I'm thinking. It fills me up like a silent scream.
Jenny Downham