I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form.

Too much of anything is a mistake, as the man said when his wife presented him with four new healthy children in one day. We should practice moderation in all matters.

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.

If he were a man of strong mind, it only gave him fits; but a person of mere average intellect it usually sent mad.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.