It suddenly hit me—it was nearly impossible to take good care of something I hated. I’d spent so long hating my body that I didn’t know how to respect and nurture myself or my body. By focusing so much on my exterior, I also robbed myself of the opportunity to feel good about myself and my body, simply because I didn't meet a cultural standard of beauty that is obsessed with thinness. That created stress that interfered with my weight loss and with my own happiness.

You can't hate yourself happy, You can't criticize yourself thin, You can't shame yourself wealthy. Real change begins with self-love and self care.

A woman with confidence is hypnotic. A smile is mesmerizing. Presence, openness, a sense of humor—these are all things that make a woman attractive. We’ve all experienced the presence of someone who walks in and lights up a room. It’s never about their looks but about their energy. Allow yourself to light up the room by being your beautiful self.

Change can't be made within panic

So take a new approach as to how you feel emotions. It's not about the right emotion or the wrong emotion; it's about honoring the way that you're feeling. We tend to think that being sensitive is a weakness, but it really gives us an ability to be compassionate and to appreciate so many things in the world.

Because we haven’t been taught to appreciate and love ourselves in this way, we don’t feel like we deserve self-care and pleasure. Instead, we cling to our To Do lists and sacrifice our health and well-being for the sake of others. Then, when we feel deprived of our basic human need for relaxation and enjoyment, we turn to food as our sole source of pleasure. When we then try to deprive ourselves of food through dieting, we deny the last bit of pleasure we have in our lives. And that strategy never works!

The truth is that we won’t receive the support we need until we ask for it. Just because we can do it all doesn’t mean we should. And when we don’t speak up about our needs, we’re asking our loved ones to read our minds—and then we resent them when they fail our test. By not being open and honest about the support we need, we’re selling ourselves short and setting our relationships up for failure.