I'm not wild about holidays. They always seem a ludicrously expensive way of proving there's no place like home.

At home I have big vats of cabbage soup that I make to slim down.

in a village you can't sack or fight with someone, as you'll find yourself stuck beside them in the hairdresser's next morning.

Bachelors begin at thirty-six. Up till this age they are regarded as single men.

There is something infinitely dingy about the word workshop. Pray that England doesn't become a nation of workshopkeepers.

If you feel compelled to give a New Year's Eve party, don't invite people to arrive too early or they'll go off the boil before midnight.

The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.