Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.

If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.

Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference.

Just because you start out as one thing, it doesn't mean you can't grow into something else.

I can't believe I'm about to say this," I said. "So think real careful about where this is coming from. Have you people ever considered *talking* when you've got a problem?

There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more . . . secure.

Unicorns," I said. "Very dangerous. You go first.