I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be on, performing.

I said yes to so many things, from a sex change to gastric by-pass surgery, so it's always paid off for me.

What’s yours? How will you serve the world? What do they need that your talent can provide? That’s all you have to figure out.

I refuse to feel guilty. I feel guilty about too much in my life but not about money. I went through periods when I had nothing, so somebody in my family has to get stinkin' wealthy.

Humor is not debatable. It's like sex. Either you're aroused or you're not. Nobody can reason you around to their point of view.

I don't feel any pressure to be funny at all. I'm funny because I want to be funny. I could sit here and be serious for an hour and you would go away and make me much funnier than I am.

I've tried everything. I've done therapy, I've done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing.