Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.

Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.

You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'

Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor.

A Miami judge issued Florida's first gay marriage license yesterday, which makes it the 36th state to legally perform gay marriages. Of course, most Florida residents are too old to understand what that means. They'll say, 'Well, I think all marriages should be gay, and merry.'

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head.