Ten Delta Airlines baggage handlers were arrested for smuggling drugs into Detroit. Yeah, you can tell Delta was involved, because the drugs were supposed to be smuggled into Chicago.

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

President Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same way your friends do when they promise to help you move. 'Yeah just call me, you know, if I'm around. It'll be fun.'

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.