A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smart phones say they own an American.

You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.

There are reports that Russia is actually working with North Korea to encourage “collaboration and cooperation” between the two countries. Yeah, they believe that with Russia's economic power and North Korea's technology, they can be a real threat to 1987.

It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives.

Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to 'unlock their full potential,' because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, 'You can't just steal someone's slogan like that!' And Hillary said, 'Yes we can!'

Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to be here in the Amazon. I've always wanted to see where all the books come from.'