Donald Trump's campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That's like giving your money to a pile of money.

We're into tech stuff, gadgets, phones, video games. We'll treat a video game premiere like a movie premiere. I'm just going to be honest with what I like and what I do. What I enjoy. We're not going to hide the fact that people are on the Internet all day. I think a lot of shows don't really mention that.

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.

Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.

It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.

Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would've responded but he was busy drafting his new 'mandatory Mexican gay weed' bill.