Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he done something about this?'

A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say 'anyone but Donald Trump.'

Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he's nervous, Obama said, 'Oh, I'm not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves.'

Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump's winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine.

I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. 'What is that? What are you doing? Who is it? What's going' - you know, I just had that thing, when I grew up, I'd just start talking like people. You know, I always had that.

The White House announced that President Obama will attend a summit in Kenya this July. When asked if he's ever been to Kenya, Obama said, 'Of course. I was born - no, bored - over there. There's nothing to do in Kenya.'