I can honestly say I've never sold any arms to a repressive foreign regime while reassuring everyone at home that the weapons will be used for nice things.
I thought I was funny as a kid.
To me, a politician's job is to listen to constituents' problems and try to sort them out.
I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.
I never ever take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it's too late.
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.