I know electric knives are excellent for carving turkeys that have had their bones removed and been forced into a mold to shape them. Please note that those turkeys are called hams.

My fame is due to broadcast television.

My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make a joke.

I would say aside from Moxie soda bottles and Masonic artifacts, there's nothing I really collect.

Part of the transaction between writer and reader is the pleasure of building a community and encouraging people to play along.

I say, if you're going to eat a creature alive, you have to expect some screaming. That is the carnivore's burden.

I don't care if I tell that story and John Roderick gets up afterward and yells, 'I hope you enjoyed the white privilege, mortality comedy of John Hodgman!' That's me!" I'm going to play a sad Handsome Family song at the end and I guarantee you everyone is going to love it because, sometimes, you need a grown man or woman to tell you what you like.