We make the future better than the past. We don't hide from history. We make history.

Why am I running for president? Well, my wife, Cindy, says it is because I sustainedseveral severe blows to the head in prison camp.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.

I am a computer illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance I can get.

It is perhaps my greatest hope, Mr. President, that some day we'll consider tax and spending measures with no one else in mind but future generations of American taxpayers. We're tying a millstone of debt around their necks, and it is a grave mistake.

I would like to mention that a couple days ago Senator Obama was out in Ohio and he had an encounter with a guy who's a plumber, his name is Joe Wurzelbacher.

As long as there is a war on terrorism going on, we're all going to have to work together.