[...]It is as if after surviving so much, there was no longer reason to survive.

I tried to think about other things. I tried to invent optimistic inventions. But the pessimistic ones were extremely loud.

Or maybe what he fears is just the opposite: that nobody is looking; that his death, like his life, is without purpose; that there is neither greater good nor evil--only people living and dying because their bodies function and then do not; that the universe is a rip.

What if I never stop inventing?

Your dad didn't die, so I won't be able to explain it to you.

I wanted to cry but I didn't, I probably should have cried, I should have drowned us there in the room ending our suffering.

But I knew the truth and that's why I was so sad. Every moment before this one depends on this one. Everything in the history of the world can be proven wrong in one moment.