He was transfixed at the sight of the lords and ladies of his realm running about like demented chickens.

When I write something that would have made me laugh as a 10-year-old, or would have scared me or would have excited me, I know I'm onto something.

And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.

Ambition is all very well, my lad, but you must cloak it.

Me, I was still in the pygmy hippo in a skirt, singing lusty songs about Solomon's private life and a giant stone back and forth through the air as I climbed out of the quarry at the edge of the site.

Much has happened since last we met, Bartimaeus," he went on. "Do you remember how we parted?" "No." I did. "You set light to me, old friend. Struck a match and left me burning in a copse." The crow shifted uneasily beneath the cleaver."That's a gesture of endearment in some cultures. Some hug, some kiss, some set each other on fire in small patches of woodland.

One magician demanded I show him an image of the love of his life. I rustled up a mirror.