Your failures and your faults, they stick with you. They glob into ugly, cancerous growths inside you and make you want to die.

My mother read that parents should spend quality time with their children. One way is to sign up for organized activities together. This month we're taking meditation to free the mind. Last month it was Rolfing. Have you ever Rolfed, Tone?" "Only after the school's shepherd's pie," I said.

I close my eyes and black out the day. The exhaustion of living through it, surviving.

I think about my choice. Either outcome is bleak. If I stay and live through high school, go to college, get a job, what will ever change? This blackness inside will never go away. I don't make friends; I'll always be alone. If I go, at least there's hope of peace. Chance of a new and better life on the other side.

People don't change. There are two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Black and white. I don't know where gray fits in, or if you can even live in that shade.

Why are people so cruel? What did I ever do to them?

I don't have alot of people to talk to. Not alot of people are worth my time.