Living in Pakistan, you didn't have a sense of how huge and varied America was, geographically.

I think being funny had something to do with feeling like an outsider, not feeling cool - insecurity.

I think, you know, a lot of the business of comedy is taking your personal experiences and making them relatable to other people.

Philosophy is problem-solving. There's a philosophical problem, and then you try to solve it by approaching it from different angles and seeing what way works. That's what comedy is: you have a topic and you try to just hit it as many different ways as you can.

Just because you saw a vampire doesn't mean that a snowman or a Loch Ness Monster also exists.

My stories take three or four months to fix, and it's not magical of a process. Ultimately it's a boring, difficult process. I write everything out, and then the parts I think are funny I put in bold. Then I go perform it. Then the parts that aren't funny, I unbold them.

You really need to have that discipline. It's not even discipline. I just put down these rules. It's not like a vague, 'Motivate yourself!' and do something. Its specific hours set aside every day for certain things.