I'm a much happier guy than a lot of people think I am.

Wearing a dress shows I can be as feminine as I want. I'm a heterosexual...big deal, but if I was a homosexual, it wouldn't matter, either.

Forever in debt to your priceless advice.

After I reached my teens I decided I didn't want to hang out with anyone. I couldn't handle the stupidity.

You know what I hate about rock? I hate tie-dyed tee shirts. I wouldn't wear a tie-dyed tee shirt unless it was dyed with the urine of Phil Collins and the blood of Jerry Garcia.

None of you will ever know what I am thinking.

I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.