There is no way a beautiful woman can live up to what she looks like for any appreciable length of time.

Cigarettes are a classy way to commit suiside.

If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.

Mark Twain was so good with crowds that he became, in competition with singers and dancers and actors and acrobats, one of the most popular performers of his time. It is so unusual, and so psychologically unlikely, too, for a great writer to be a great performer, too.

So let's give another big tax cut to the super-rich. That'll teach bin Laden a lesson he won't soon forget.

All the people of all the nations which had fought in the First World War were silent during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of Armistice Day, which was the eleventh day of the eleventh month. It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one another. I have talked to old men who were on battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the Voice of God. So we still have among us some men who can remember when God spoke clearly to mankind.

That specific remedy for the worldwide epidemic of depression is a gift called the blues.