Only nut cases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed people ran for class president.

I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too.

The two prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck.

Her face ... was a one-of-a-kind, a surprising variation on a familiar theme - a variation that made observers think, Yes - that would be another very nice way for people to look. What Beatrice had done with her face, actually, was what any plain girl could do. She overlaid it with dignity, suffering, intelligence, and a piquant dash of bitchiness.

Words may deeply wound us, but we must run that risk to be free.

Laughter or crying is what a human being does when there's nothing else he can do.

But there’s a reason we recognize Hamlet as a masterpiece: it’s that Shakespeare told us the truth, and people so rarely tell us the truth in this rise and fall here [indicates blackboard]. The truth is, we know so little about life, we don’t really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.