One thing I learned, with permission of the school committee of Indianapolis, was that when a tyrant or a government gets in trouble it wonders what to do. Declare war! Then nothing else matters. It's like chess; when in doubt, castle.

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much.

He was seemingly born not only with a gift for language, but with a particularly nasty clock which makes him go crazy every three years or so.

Unannounced changes in life's itinerary are like dancing lessons from God.

I have wanted to give Iraq a lesson in democracy - because we're experienced with it, you know. And, in democracy, after a hundred years, you have to let your slaves go. And, after a hundred and fifty years, you have to let your women vote. And, at the beginning of democracy, is that quite a bit of genocide and ethnic cleansing is quite okay. And that's what's going on now.

Hitler at the end thought that he himself was one more casualty in the war.

Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple.