The person who writes the bank's commercials is not the person who makes the loans.

Even as I speak, the very last polar bear may be dying of hunger on account of climate change, on account of us. And I sure miss the polar bears. Their babies are so warm and cuddly and trusting, just like ours.

There is no peace, I'm sorry to say. We find it. We lose it. We find it again. We lose it again.

I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read the greatest American short story, which is 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce.

I had taught myself that a human being might as well look for diamond tiaras in the gutter as for rewards and punishments that were fair.

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.

I am a monopolar depressive descended from monopolar depressives. That's how come I write so good.