If someone says that they saw a Sasquatch, they're either lying or they are stupid! Now stop lying about the Jewpacabra before stupid people start believing you!

When people have children, they have to grow up!

You need to have a life. Have fun. Then ruin it by having a serious relationship

Swearing can be fun, but doing it all the time causes a lot of problems

Life is a puzzle. Every piece fits together to create who we are, what we do, how we feel. Every experience shapes us into who we will eventually become.

Fans don't mind him doing a little touch-up work, but Jesus wants complete renovation. Fans come to Jesus thinking tune-up, but Jesus is thinking overhaul. Fans think a little makeup is fine, but Jesus is thinking makeover. Fans think a little decorating is required, but Jesus wants a complete remodel. Fans want Jesus to inspire them, but Jesus wants to interfere with their lives.

Kyle Busch has got to be the loneliest NASCAR driver ever. He's led so many laps he never sees anybody in front of him for two-thirds of the race. He just sees clean racetrack...He's the Maytag guy.