I don't care if my opinion falls on the right or the left. I'm more of what I call a passionate centrist. I just believe what I believe. I'm not trying to prove anything for the right or the left. Which gives me freedom to make jokes about either side, too.

You go, dark energy! Go on, dark matter. They don't understand you, dark matter. They don't get you.

My basic political philosophy is, I ain't mad at that. Which basically means I don't have to have a strong opinion about everything. I'm too tired most of the time. Why do I have to take a stand on everything? Sometimes I'm just not mad at it. Like, What do you think about gay marriage? I ain't mad at you, you're gay and you're married: I ain't mad at you, go do it.

Saying slavery was the cause of secession isn't politically correct; it's correct correct.

You know that sadness and rage you feel about your money? That's the way some of us feel about people.

I try to impart this when people say they want to be a writer and they want to go into show biz. I say, "Well, have you taken any courses? You can't just have a passion for it; you have to prepare yourself for a life of it."

I remember we had a visit by a helicopter at our school when I was in grade school, and I was punished that day and didn't get to see it. To this day, I am so mad I never got to see that helicopter land! I took my first ride in a helicopter recently, and that's what I thought, "Yes, finally the circle is complete!"