As soon as I walk out that door, you're gonna decide you want me back. You might even tell yourself that you're in love with me. But you're not. You never will be.

You don't want a slob, but you don't want a guy who is constantly borrowing your tweezers.

I’m keeping my opinions to myself, they just get me in trouble.

It's hard to tell people who they should hang out with and who they shouldn't, especially if they aren't ready to hear that. You have to let your friends make their own mistakes sometimes. You can't protect them from everything, or else they'll never learn

I used to get taxed on my allowance. Yeah, I've been taxed since I was a little kid. And at the end of the year I had to pick a charity to donate my taxes to.

Anyway, he's gone. Which, as you know, is how I like my men.

I do most of my shopping online. It's just convenient for me.