His secret name, which belongs to me, and to him, and to no one else.

For the first time in my life I actually feel sorry for Carol. I'm only seventeen years old, and I already know something she doesn't know: I know that life isn't life if you just float through it. I know that the whole point- the only point- is to find things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go.

Love: a single word, a wispy thing, a word no bigger or longer than an edge. That's what it is: an edge; a razor. It draws up through the center of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side.

And even though I'm standing in the middle of the biggest crowd I've ever seen in my life, I suddenly feel very alone.

Why couldn't you let me have it? Why did you have to take it? Why did you always take everything?

Still, the vivid green of the grass-where the grass is actually managing to assert itself through the dirt-seems out of place. This seems like a place where the sun should never shine: a place on the edge, at the limit, a place completely removed from time and happiness and life.

I need to live my life in the light of their deaths. I need to live.