I need to live my life in the light of their deaths. I need to live.

But now I give in, let the anger surge. I'm sick of people acting like this world, this other world is the normal one, while I'm the freak. It's not fair; like all the rules have suddenly changed and somebody forgot to tell me.

Most of the time-- 99 percent of the time-- you just don't know how and why the threads are looped together, and that's okay. Do a good thing and something bad happens. Do a bad thing and something good happens. Do nothing and everything explodes.

When he speaks again, I can tell that he's smiling. "So I guess we saved each other.

Suicide. A sideways word, a word that people whisper and mutter and cough: a word that must be squeezed out behind cupped palms or murmured behind closed doors. It was only in dreams that I heard the word shouted, screamed.

Welcome to the free world. We give people the power to choose. They can even choose the wrong thing. Beautiful, isn't it?

I don't love you, Lena. Do you hear me? I never love you.