And it's the funniest thing: as soon as I see it, the whistling in my ears stops and the feeling of terror drains away, and I realize this whole time I haven't been falling at all. I've been floating.

Over the past week, I’ve accepted that I will never love Julian as much as I loved Alex. But now that idea is overwhelming, like a wall between us. I will never love Julian like I love Alex.

How is it possible, I think, to change so much and not be able to change anything at all?

Maybe this is the secret to talking to boys--maybe you just have to be angry all the time.

Love: a single word, a wispy thing, a word no bigger or longer than an edge. That's what it is: an edge; a razor. It draws up through the center of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side.

Because if it weren’t for me, Lena and Alex would never have been caught at all. I told on them. I was jealous.

Things would get difficult again. But that was okay too. The bravery was in moving forward, no matter what.