We have work to do if you are not to be a total failure like high-waisted, acid-wash jeans.

May I suggest that you all read? And often. Believe me, it's nice to have something to talk about other than the weather and the Queen's health. Your mind is not a cage. It's a garden. And it requires cultivating.

The best day of my life happened when I was five and almost died at Disney World. I'm sixteen now, so you can imagine that's left me with quite a few days of major suckage.

I’m from the health department. You’ve heard of Typhoid Mary? This fella’s got enough typhoid to start his own colony.

It's so laughable that it's somewhere beyond comedy and right into tragedy again.

Will you punish me forever?

Sheep. I'm stuck in a boarding school filled with sheep.