What place does a woman have here, in the realm of men?

I've got this image in my head of how I want my life to look, and I have absolutely no idea how to get there. And I'm so scared that I'll make some wrong decision - just one - and everything will get messed up and go wrong -for good.

The birch trees loom ahead like a brotherhood of ghosts.

It should begin with friendship, I think. Suddenly I cannot look at him. It should begin with friendship and truly knowing who a person is, knowing his flaws and hopes and strengths and fears, knowing all of it. And admiring and caring for- loving the person because of all of those things... I know that now.

Merry Christmas, I whisper to myself. Merry Christmas, Nate.

My sparrow, she flickers and wakes and sings and sings.

The song is languid and speaks of love and loneliness and loss. Why does love seem to go with the sad things?