One thing I really want to explore is writing.

I just want to start writing, whether or not any of it is useable or marketable.

At 45, you know what you're doing, but you're still not done.

I have trouble describing characters because there is just too much going on in human beings.

Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

My hair got lighter, and I gradually went blonde. I liked it. Had more fun. But my image of myself in my head is this dark-haired person.

You have to surrender to the fact that you are of too many in a highly competitive field where it is difficult to stand out. Over time, through your work, you will demonstrate who you are and what you bring to the field. Just stay with it and keep working.