My purpose in life always has been to avoid work. And I hear these people saying, "I work hard and I pay my taxes." Well, you're an asshole.

There's no recovery from alcoholism, it is an incurable disease. And it also is a disease that tells you, you don't have a disease.

I stay in the present, so I don't know about the future.

If you look up the word "gab" in the dictionary, it's insignificant of importance, of no substance. That's what gab is.

When I'm writing in long hand, it just goes on and on and on. When I was in the saloon business, I would just greet people and talk to them and avoid taxes, and getting behind the bar. What else.

To me a saint is a severely edited sinner. That's what I think.

Conservatism is not a political ideology, it is a severe form of brain damage for which there's hardly any cure.