The bile makes it better. I am an information wasting machine - 100s of words a day.

As a performer you are being used to keep people watching so the commercial endorsements that support the network can be seen by as many people as possible.

If you can't afford the good food or if you can't afford health care or if you don't have a job or if your car is dangerous because you can't get it fixed and you DIE, you just lost the game-bzzzzz-thanks for playing extreme capitalism.

I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.

It's not all about love. That's half of it... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.'

There's something about cats' self-sufficiency and their seemingly individualistic ways that I find compelling.

It always astounds me that over the course of my career, and having lived in four comedy cities - New York, Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles - there's very few people I haven't run into.