the profession of the ministry is like matrimony: if it is possible for you to keep out of it, it's a sign that you've no business to go into it!

There isn't any virtue where there has never been any temptation.

Absurdity is the one thing love can't stand; it can overlook anything else, -- coldness, or weakness, or viciousness, -- but just be ridiculous and that's the end of it!

Nobody who is somebody looks down on anybody.

If you give way to fear, you'll be a coward; and ... a coward is apt to be a liar. The devil's first name is Fear.

... if a man really and truly believed that black was white, you might advise him to see an oculist, but you mustn't call him a liar.

Nature is perfectly impartial. Brain has no sex!