I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

work is happiness. No one can take my work from me and therefore no one can take my happiness from me.

A criminal is twice a criminal when he adds hypocrisy to his crime.

And out of heart's pain comes heart's peace; and out of desire, accomplishment.

What a fool cannot learn he laughs at, thinking that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent idiocy.

it seems a silly kind o' business to bring us into the world at all for no special reason 'cept to take us out of it again just as folks 'ave learned to know us a bit and find us useful.

There is nothing so depressing as a constant contemplation of one's self, and the greatest moral cowardice in the world's opinion comes from consulting one's own personal convenience.