If there's one thing I know, it's men. I ought to. It's been my life's work.

I never weep over lost money, for I figure I'd rather go to the poorhouse once than go there every day.

Now I know that lawyers must live, but I've never been able to understand why they have to live so blamed well!

No vice is so bad as advice.

That's the unfortunate thing about death. It's so terribly final.

Fate cast me to play the role of an ugly duckling with no promise of swanning. . . . I have played my life as a comedy rather than the tragedy many would have made of it.

If ants are such busy workers, how come they find time to go to all the picnics?