I was born serious and I have earned my bread making other people laugh.

Only a few things are really important.

I never weep over lost money, for I figure I'd rather go to the poorhouse once than go there every day.

Fate cast me to play the role of an ugly duckling with no promise of swanning. . . . I have played my life as a comedy rather than the tragedy many would have made of it.

Never one thing and seldom one person can make for a success. It takes a number of them merging into one perfect whole.

I never ride horseback now because my sympathy with the under-dog is too keen. After we have a gone a few blocks, I always dismount and say to the horse: 'We'll walk it together, old dear.

If there's one thing I know, it's men. I ought to. It's been my life's work.