More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; ... I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass

Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.