Few of us stand prosperity; another man's I mean.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.