A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom when he can no longer be led by the nose.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

Such is professional jealousy; a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.

The easy part of being an artist is figuring out the message that everyone else is ready to hear. The hard part is waiting for the proper lull to make the announcement.

I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair.

A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out.

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.