External freedom has probably never existed, but neither have I ever known anyone who knew inner freedom.
Suddenly I had a flash of insight: I am a monster, I realized, a monster that wants to stalk through the woods, free and alone, and cannot even bear so much as the touch of a branch on its skin.
I knew I couldn't go on like this, but I'd never been capable of simply nipping an anxiety in the bud. I always had to wait until it was ripe and mature and fell from me.