I used to be a virgin, but I gave it up because there was no money in it.

I'm beginning to appreciate the value of naps. Naps are wonderful, aren't they? Sometimes now I have to take a nap to get ready for bed.

How many women here like to have sex in the morning? Now how many like to be awake when it happens?

You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

I hate skinny women, especially when they say things like 'Sometimes I forget to eat.' Now, I've forgotten my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but you've got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.

I used to be a virgin, but I gave it up because there was no money in it.