My belief is that everything that's written about you is actually secondary showbiz nonsense, and you shouldn't take any notice of it.

Very broadly, literature concerns itself with the internal, cinema with the external.

[On STDs] This be Nature’s way of recommending monogamy.

Since it is no longer permissible to disparage any single faith or creed, let us start disparaging all of them... A religion is a belief system with no basis in reality whatever. Religious belief is without reason and without dignity, and its record is near-universally dreadful.

Weapons are like money; no one knows the meaning of enough.

I don't think I've ever been particularly scared of death - but scared of dying, the process. It doesn't seem to be a good way of doing it.

Amis is acutely, vibrantly sensitive to the different registers of laughter. He knows that it can be the most affirming and uniquely human sound, and also the most sinister and animalistic one. He understands every note of every octave that separates the liberating shout of mirth from the cackle of a bully or the snigger of a sadist.