The best definition I've heard is that guilt is about what you've done, shame is about who you are. If something's out of my control, I don't feel shame about it, because what could I have done? If you're guilty, you can at least try to atone for it or make it better or not do it again. If it's who you are, you can't do much about it except change yourself, and that's pretty hard.
Mary GaitskillI think a woman who commits adultery, is not sympathetic in our culture - or in many cultures, let's face it.
Mary GaitskillThe art of integrating the ego and the impulse for empathy in a dynamic call and response.
Mary GaitskillOf course thereโs something there; unfortunately, thereโs always something โthere.โ Something you will one day be sorry you saw.
Mary GaitskillEven happy situations can easily start to feel miserable. So, I think that people who consider themselves sophisticated or who are in fact sophisticated have come to distrust stories that are uplifting or simply stories in which the characters get what they want in the end. Because in life, what you want is never the end.
Mary GaitskillI became very aware of how important it is to connect with children - possibly for the children, if they're in the mood for that - but certainly for the adults.
Mary GaitskillThe best definition I've heard is that guilt is about what you've done, shame is about who you are. If something's out of my control, I don't feel shame about it, because what could I have done? If you're guilty, you can at least try to atone for it or make it better or not do it again. If it's who you are, you can't do much about it except change yourself, and that's pretty hard.
Mary Gaitskill