There is no place in the world, I imagine, for a philosopher with a sense of humor, a new leisure, and an inquiring turn of mind!

The one pleasure that never palls is the pleasure of not going to church.

To the bottle! In infancy, the milk bottle; in our prime, the wine bottle; in our dotage, the pill bottle.

It takes a good many years and some pretty hard knocks to make people tolerant.

Men play harder than they work; women work harder than they play.

Besides, you want the unvarnished and ungarnished truth, and I'm no hand for that. I'm a lawyer.

there is something shameful about the death of a play. It does not die with pity, but contempt. A book may fail, but who is there to know it? It dies and is buried, and is decently interred on the bookseller's shelf; but the play dies to laughter, to scorn and disdain.